Getting emotionally involved with a psychopath is an adventure for sure. It will introduce you to
human nature, our dysfunctional society, and perchance the most important of all, your own soul. It is definitely a dark journey that will hurl you into spells of depression, fury, and loneliness. It will untangle your deepest fears and insecurities that will haunt you every time you breathe. But in the end, it will heal you. You will thrive as the strongest version of yourself. You will understand the purpose of your being and in the end, you will be glad it happened. I am glad it happened to me and it changed my life forever.
I never knew what narcissism actually means or how devastating it will be to have a narcissist in your life until I met one. Until then I only knew the word narcissist in my vocabulary. So basically, what is a narcissist or a psychopath or a sociopath? People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are described by a sense of grandiosity, a lack of empathy for others and a constant need for admiration and power which yields superiority, knotty, immature, and selfish. Narcissists are often charming, well-behaved and witty on the outside but actually are emotional terrorists who cause great pain and trauma for their victims. Their behaviour is not just difficult but is unhealthy on various levels.I often call them kidults because of their immature behaviour.
Their relationship cycle of narcissistic abuse generally follows a pattern. Individuals in emotionally abusive relationships experience a varying whirlwind that includes three stages namely, love bombing, devaluing, and discarding. The mid phases can be hoovering or breadcrumbing where they suck back a person ( called as their supply) into their abuse cycle after they leave or try to distance themselves from the narcissist.
Modus operandi of a narcissist : Charm to Harm!
The modus operandi of Narcissists is an absolute key to their survival in the real world. Narcissists target their supply. They never go for any loser. They hunt and pick the best one, the strongest, the smartest, the most competent and the winner. The ones who transcend them!
Hunt, target and win!
Once they have targeted you, they will start taking interest in your life. If you are the one who has weak boundaries you will generally end up providing them more personal information than anyone would ever need to know. Narcissists can easily identify those who have forgotten who they were, lost their own vision about themselves and also their voice to stand for the right choice, lost the confidence and inner happiness that once they had. They start love bombing to drag you into their trap. They steal your identities by mirroring you. It generally happens in the very beginning of the relationship. They lie and make up stories in order to resonate with you and trick you into thinking that you are alike. If you find them romantic, funny or caring or whatever, it is only because you have that attribute in yourself. Narcissists are shape shifters as they have no identity of their own. They just have a masked identity and that changes according to their supplies. This is the reason why you don’t find that same person you loved earlier when you get into a relationship with them. That was not real. It was just a reflection of your best qualities.
- Bait and Ghost
Once they are sure that the supply is completely under their control and they have won their trophy ( YOU as their supply) the second phase that is devaluing starts. A narcissist always wants such a partner who is like an award no one could receive. They put you as a proud memento in a showcase and take you out when needed. However, if you demand anything of them or hold them accountable or want them to share their responsibilities they will lash out at you. You should know that you are just a supply that fulfills their needs and makes them appear good in public. You might feel in such instances that one moment you were the cynosure of their eyes and the next moment you are thrown in the scrap as if you never really mattered and now don’t exist! The Narcissists grossly overrate their abilities and accomplishments and underestimate the complete being of their supply/victim.
- Getting rid of you!
Then comes the worst phase called the discard phase. Narcissists, when they no longer need you or take from you or have other options around to fulfill their needs, the monster shows up! They treat you like shit, don’t care to explain things to you and you suddenly become invisible. When you tell them that there is something wrong and needs to be sorted, they will literally tell you that you are going crazy and making up stories in your head. Narcissists are the real disoriented and disordered people. They take everything from you, milking you until you have left with nothing, you are totally broken and that is when they throw you away like any sack of garbage with no remorse.
This is bound to happen in a relationship with a narcissist. At some point of time they will withdraw from your company leaving you in a thinking mill where you will keep thinking about what you did wrong. When you start asking yourself that question, please remember that it wasn’t you and it has nothing to do with you but them. A narcissist can never have a healthy attachment with anyone. Ultimately they will pull away no matter what you do.
The only way out from this psychological jail is to go NO contact to get back to a world where reality is REAL!